LMS
05-04-2006, 07:29 PM
Katie Holmes buffs up (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/04/katie_holmes_buffs_up.html)
Tom Cruise has signed Katie Holmes up to a company called Buff Brides to get her in shape in preparation for their wedding this year. A source tells the Daily Mirror:"Katie can and will do it... She has great motivation. She loves her fiance and was proud that Tom oversaw this programme. He told her he wanted her to be the most beautiful bride ever. She was in tears when he said that."Buff Brides? He might as well have sent her to a place called Man Camp or The Sex Change Insitute of America. It doesn't matter how much muscle Katie puts on, Tom needs to realize nothing will ever compare to that special night in the woods he first felt the soft caress of a steroid-pumped man in a thong.
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Britney Spears getting married for a thrid time (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/04/britney_spears_getting_married.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/federline-spears-renew.jpgBritney Spears is planning on renewing her vows in Vegas after Kevin Federline allegedly proposed for the second time and promised to stop letting her down. Supposedly, he got on one knee and said, "Let's fucking do it again!" A friend of the couple tells Heat magazine:"Kevin has pledged his eternal love to Britney and swears he is going to stop acting like a jerk to her. Britney is jumping for joy. This is all she's every wanted to hear."If I was Britney Spears I'd want to relive the biggest mistake of my life too. Maybe next week she can relive the joy of finding out she's pregnant again (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/04/25/britney_spears_is_really_pregn.html). You know, take a pregnancy test, find out she's knocked up, and then lock herself in the bathroom for eight hours sobbing and cursing men for having penises.
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Celine Dion breaks own ears (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/04/celine_dion_breaks_own_ears.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/celine-breaks-ears.jpgCeline Dion was forced to cancel almost a week's worth of gigs last month after suffering a rare ear disease called labyrinthitis which lead to a severe case of vertigo. A posting on her official Website last month stated: "Celine continues to recover from the virus she contracted last week which spread to her inner ear. Medically known as viral labyrinthitis, the condition causes nausea, dizziness and general weakness. Her doctor has prescribed medication to treat the associated irritations and instructed her to rest for the next five days, so that the virus can run its course."I'm not a doctor, but labyrinthitis sounds like something Michael Kelso would make up. Why doesn't Celine just admit she shattered her ear drums while trying to outsing herself on a rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." If she's suffering from labyrinthitis then I'm suffering from super-humongous-wangitis. The symptoms are pretty straightforward and consist of having a super humongous wang. And damn if my case isn't severe.
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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes get a prenup (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/03/tom_cruise_and_katie_holmes_ge.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/holmes-cruise-prenup.jpgThe Daily Mail reports Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are now ready to marry in July, after signing a $40 million prenup which they've been working on for the past few weeks. A $15 million trust has been set up for Katie and her baby regardless of whether she marries Tom, but if they do marry and later divorce, Katie will receive an extra $25 million from him. A source says:
"Katie's family have always been very sceptical about their romance. They were shocked that Katie got pregnant so quickly and didn't like the way she had turned her back on Catholicism for Scientology. But now this deal has been sorted out they are at least relieved that Katie and her baby will be financially secure for life, even if she doesn't marry Tom." Either this is the most elaborate publicity stunt ever attempted, or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are actually getting married. I only give it a couple months though. You'd be surprised how hard it is to maintain a marriage when the wife is locked in the basement and the husband spends all his time at gay bathhouses.
Tom Cruise has signed Katie Holmes up to a company called Buff Brides to get her in shape in preparation for their wedding this year. A source tells the Daily Mirror:"Katie can and will do it... She has great motivation. She loves her fiance and was proud that Tom oversaw this programme. He told her he wanted her to be the most beautiful bride ever. She was in tears when he said that."Buff Brides? He might as well have sent her to a place called Man Camp or The Sex Change Insitute of America. It doesn't matter how much muscle Katie puts on, Tom needs to realize nothing will ever compare to that special night in the woods he first felt the soft caress of a steroid-pumped man in a thong.
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Britney Spears getting married for a thrid time (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/04/britney_spears_getting_married.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/federline-spears-renew.jpgBritney Spears is planning on renewing her vows in Vegas after Kevin Federline allegedly proposed for the second time and promised to stop letting her down. Supposedly, he got on one knee and said, "Let's fucking do it again!" A friend of the couple tells Heat magazine:"Kevin has pledged his eternal love to Britney and swears he is going to stop acting like a jerk to her. Britney is jumping for joy. This is all she's every wanted to hear."If I was Britney Spears I'd want to relive the biggest mistake of my life too. Maybe next week she can relive the joy of finding out she's pregnant again (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/04/25/britney_spears_is_really_pregn.html). You know, take a pregnancy test, find out she's knocked up, and then lock herself in the bathroom for eight hours sobbing and cursing men for having penises.
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Celine Dion breaks own ears (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/04/celine_dion_breaks_own_ears.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/celine-breaks-ears.jpgCeline Dion was forced to cancel almost a week's worth of gigs last month after suffering a rare ear disease called labyrinthitis which lead to a severe case of vertigo. A posting on her official Website last month stated: "Celine continues to recover from the virus she contracted last week which spread to her inner ear. Medically known as viral labyrinthitis, the condition causes nausea, dizziness and general weakness. Her doctor has prescribed medication to treat the associated irritations and instructed her to rest for the next five days, so that the virus can run its course."I'm not a doctor, but labyrinthitis sounds like something Michael Kelso would make up. Why doesn't Celine just admit she shattered her ear drums while trying to outsing herself on a rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." If she's suffering from labyrinthitis then I'm suffering from super-humongous-wangitis. The symptoms are pretty straightforward and consist of having a super humongous wang. And damn if my case isn't severe.
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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes get a prenup (http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/03/tom_cruise_and_katie_holmes_ge.html)
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/05/holmes-cruise-prenup.jpgThe Daily Mail reports Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are now ready to marry in July, after signing a $40 million prenup which they've been working on for the past few weeks. A $15 million trust has been set up for Katie and her baby regardless of whether she marries Tom, but if they do marry and later divorce, Katie will receive an extra $25 million from him. A source says:
"Katie's family have always been very sceptical about their romance. They were shocked that Katie got pregnant so quickly and didn't like the way she had turned her back on Catholicism for Scientology. But now this deal has been sorted out they are at least relieved that Katie and her baby will be financially secure for life, even if she doesn't marry Tom." Either this is the most elaborate publicity stunt ever attempted, or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are actually getting married. I only give it a couple months though. You'd be surprised how hard it is to maintain a marriage when the wife is locked in the basement and the husband spends all his time at gay bathhouses.