Friendly Reminder for all Members *everyone should read this*

[LMS]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to send out this blanket reminder to everyone about what constitutes acceptable use of this site.
As you all know, you have the option of purchasing a Senior Membership and becoming verified in order to view our Soap Box (debate) and Private (personal matters) forums. These two requirements to be able to view these threads really aren't all that complicated and are very easy/inexpensive to fulfill.
The main thing I'd like to discuss is our Private forums. For anyone who isn't aware, our Private section is just that: Private. It's not viewable by non-paid members. It has, thus far, been quietly assumed that everyone understands WHY that is, however it has recently come to my attention that apparently not all of our members are truly grasping the necessity of our Private Forums remaining Private.
ALL posts made in the Private forum are for our PAID MEMBERS to read ONLY. They are not material for gossip at playdates, or amongst other members. They are most certainly NOT up for discussion among non-SCM members.
I'd like everyone to take a moment and imagine posting something on this site that was a very personal situation to you, simply for the purpose of needing to be able to talk to other women about the situation. Then imaging that someone goes behind your back and tells, say, a dozen people about your "problem"/situation. Would you feel betrayed? Would you feel comfortable sharing on SCM any longer? My guess is that your answers there are yes and no. And you would have every right to feel betrayed, and as if you couldn't come back to SCM to discuss things with other adults.
When our members come here to vent their frustrations or discuss personal matters, it is not to give other members something to joke about behind closed doors. That sort of behavior is really not wanted here, yet it has been brought to my attention that some of our members are doing exactly this.
PLEASE be aware that if this happens again the membership of the person sharing private posts with non-members will be IMMEDIATELY suspended.
We want to cultivate a positive, helpful environment for our members where we can vent, share, discuss and get ideas from each other. Gossip is counter-productive to those goals, and hurtful towards our members and will not be tolerated under any circumstances.
Please remember to treat ALL other members with the utmost respect.

[Marisa]

:clap Thanks, Jackie!

[My3sonsplus1]

Thanks for staying on top of this, (even though I was unaware of the issue first hand)! That certainly seems like an awful situation to write something you think is private only to find out it isn't.

[Sara]

:yeah (what Jackie said)

[becky]

:yeah thanks for the reminder Jackie.

[Stacey]

Very good point.
Not that making fun of someone is ever okay, sometimes it's a bit hard to keep track of what is posted in the private section. Is there some way of making the "private" forum postings stand out more? Is it possible to change the color of the thread name, like how the "Must Read" or "Sticky's" are a light blue/gray. (There's a couple at the top of the Playdates forum for example.) That might help us keep straight what is private and what is not.

[LMS]

no, there isn't.
It's each members responsibility to check what forum they are reading in.
However, I think what forum it's posted in is really irrelevant b/c we shouldn't be discussing each others personal lives with people outside of SCM anyways. SCM is a community where members share what we want with the people of the board. We don't post things here so that everyone else can then decide who else in Sonoma County needs to know what we have been saying.
On top of which, most members here only post TRULY private matters in the private forum, which makes me feel as if common sense should come into play. Like, "wow, this is a personal topic. maybe i shouldn't discuss it with others".

[Stacey]

Oh, I didn't see that someone was discussing stuff with non-members. Sorry, I guess I imagined that it was a group of all SCM members, one or more of which was not eligible to view the Private forum. Either way I understand that it isn't supposed to be happening.

[Luckylove]

Well that is pretty crappy that some people are making fun of others especially around non-scm members. Thanks for regulating Jackie so that people know how disrespectful they are being.

[Lorah]

:clap Thanks, Jackie!

:yeah

[LMS]

Oh, I didn't see that someone was discussing stuff with non-members. Sorry, I guess I imagined that it was a group of all SCM members, one or more of which was not eligible to view the Private forum. Either way I understand that it isn't supposed to be happening.

Yeah, that's my big thing is that this happened among people who aren't even a part of SCM. It's one thing if, say Kathleen posts something and say Kaisa and I discuss it. In that instance, Kathleen is opening up the subject for discussion (among those who can access the information). Granted, that discussion should still be civil, respectful and mature, but i happening wouldn't be quite the shock that this is. To take information from a private thread and spread it around to other people outside of SCM is, like, the lowest of the low IMO. Dignity and Respect for others goes a long way in life, and I don't think that that action reflects either of those traits.

[lizirroja]

I have to admit I never notice whether it is a private thread or not. There are just so many! I will make sure to watch that more.

[My3sonsplus1]

I actually think for the most part gossip is gossip whether the person we are talking about posts their business in a "public" or "private" forum. Non paying members should feel like they have some sort of safety net of being able to post without having what they say be blabbed around because they didn't post it in the private section. I think people should be thinking long and hard before gossipping about anyones life for any reason no matter where they heard the information first. So whether the post is in the private section or not seems kind of irrelevevant to me... as a general rule it isn't up to us to go around publically judging, critisizing, debating and gossiping about other peoples lives. That is what TV is for :giggle.

[LMS]

I actually think for the most part gossip is gossip whether the person we are talking about posts their business in a "public" or "private" forum. Non paying members should feel like they have some sort of safety net of being able to post without having what they say be blabbed around because they didn't post it in the private section. I think people should be thinking long and hard before gossipping about anyones life for any reason no matter where they heard the information first. So whether the post is in the private section or not seems kind of irrelevevant to me... as a general rule it isn't up to us to go around publically judging, critisizing, debating and gossiping about other peoples lives. That is what TV is for :giggle.

precisely. This has very little to do with the fact that it was in a private forum. That fact simply makes it slightly MORE appalling (since the member went out of their way to have it be on a forum that was unsearchable). The fact of the matter is, we shouldn't be thinking "hmm, I should see what forum this is in so i know if i can go tell so and so what this person said".